Something Rotten 2

Chairman:

....now my supreme delight to give you the

marvellous, the musical, the very very merry…

Roseycratch and Guilderson.

A backdrop falls of a park scene, Rosencrantz and

guildernstern emerge in striped black and white suits

with straw boaters and canes under their arms.

Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern:

We are the boys who know to have a good time!

I’m a friend of his, and he’s a friend of mine!

So up, high in the mountains, or off in the brine,

I’m still a friend of his, and he’s still a friend of myiyiyine!

We might have troubles,

They pop like bubbles,

We might have heartache

But of our friendship we still partake, for

We are the boys who know to have a good time!

I’m a friend of his, and he’s a friend of mine!

Guildenstern:

I say I say I say Is it true that prince Hamlet

was named after one of the great Viking kings of antiquity.

Rosenkrantz:

Maybe. But I heard from his mother that it was

because when he was born, he looked like a little ham.

Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern:

We are the boys who know to have a good time!

I’m a friend of his, and he’s a friend of mine!

Travel north up to sweden, or west of the rhine,

I’m still a friend of his, and he’s still a friend of mine

Guildenstern:

You know, I think it’s wrong to speak of the young

prince that way, the bottom has just fallen out of his world.

Rosenkrantz:

You take umbrage my friend?

Guildenstern:
I do.
Rosenkrantz:

You take offence?

Guildenstern:
I do.

Rosenkrantz:

You take exception?

Guildenstern:
Exception, yes.
Rosenkrantz:

Here’s a piece of advice, when the bottom falls

out of your world; don’t take umbrage don’t take

exception and don’t take offence, if the bottom has

truly fallen out of your world take a laxative, that

way, the bottom wont fall out of your world anymore;

Guildenstern:
It wont?
Rosenkrantz:

No. the world will fall out of your bottom!

Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern:

We are the boys who know to have a good time!

I’m a friend of his, and he’s a friend of mine!

He sings out of key, and he cant dance in time,

I’m still a friend of his, and he’s still a friend of mine.

Rosenkrantz:

You know they say there’s something truly rotten in

the state of Denmark.

Guildenstern:

Worse than these jokes?

Rosenkrantz:

Hey if your not gonna laugh at the jokes you can at

least smile out of respect to their age.

And y’know speakin of respect

if Polonius is so worried about that daughter of his

he shouldn’t have named her Ophelia.

Guildenstern:

What should he have called her then?

Rosenkrantz:

He should’ve called Ophelia ‘Oh don’t feelya’,

Oh don’t touchya or

Oh-why-dontcha-leave-her-the-hell-alonia.

Then Hamlet might get the message.

Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern:

We are the boys who know to have a good time!

I’m a friend of his, and he’s a friend of mine!

Your dancing offends me, Your singings a crime,

But I still can be your buddy, and your still a pal o' mine.

Rosenkrantz:

And speaking of messages, I got one from the king

of Denmark the other day it said ‘Pack your things

immediately’ stop ‘make your way to Denmark for all

expenses paid trip to live with us and help with Hamlet.

Guildenstern:

Hey that sounds great, why don’t we do that?

Rosenkrantz:

Well I no sooner start packing when I read the next

word. stop. So then I stop.

Guildenstern:

You couldn’t tell which way a lift was heading if

you got two guesses. We’ve been invited to dine with

Royalty!

Rosenkrantz:

We have?

Guildenstern:

Yup!

Rosenkrantz:

Then what are we doing here performing to this bunch

of deadbeats? I mean ladies and gentlemen. No offence

but that one looks like half an idiot and that’s the

good half.

Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern:

We are the boys who know to have a good time!

I’m a friend of his, and he’s a friend of mine!

Were leaving for Denmark, were wasting no time!

We’re so happy we do not care if this song doesn’t

Rim!

Lets get a plaaaaannne!

Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern stick their arms out

like planes and swoop around the stage and then off

making aeroplane noises

Chairman:

Rosycrants and Geldonson ladies an gennelmun oo Hi

ave jast been hinformed har beginning tonight their

world tour performing befowah the crowned heads of

heurope wot reside in the City hof Copenaygen. So

lets wish ‘em luck shall we?

The background rolls up to reveal an ad for Air

France or something.