A Load of Rubbish pt3

start at the beginnin'


TOTALIA:
Hello? Excuse me? sorry, Yes, I know:
‘Garbagerie is closed, Do-not- Disturb’
Please forgive me, please forgive me,But,
I’m sorry, I thought I saw light in here,
And thought that maybe, maybe I could come
I’m not sure, I don’t know the protocol,
If I could have one moment of your time,
It’s just my Father came here yesterday,
And I, and I, well I, have come to say that<

THE YOUNG MAN:
There will be no Garbageries today,
The invitation fires have not been lit,
The bell has not been rung, and it wont be,
Garbagerie is cancelled in the name
Of my Grandfather and- so once again.
I’m saying to you:‘Please do not disturb’.

TOTALIA:
Well I, I, know that,- but the thing is this,
My Father came here yesterday, and he,
Well he was told that , or I should say he.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Oh now I understand, forgive me please,
One moment, while I light one of these lamps..
(he does so)
I quite forgot what happened yesterday.
Of course, Yes!- there was an agreement made,
And meaning nothing pers’nal- I object,
And have objected- all to no avail.
The way they treat us!- This whole sick idea!
They push us round and treat us as if we’re
incapable of independent thought.

TOTALIA:
My Father and myself do not agree,
Speshly about my coming here today.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Well that does not surprise me in the least,
again, it’s nothing pers’nal when I say,
That I wish that you had never come here,
I was hoping that you wouldn’t turn up.
(he lights another)

TOTALIA:
There was debate between us but I felt:
Pers’nal honour, demanded my presence.
Commitments must be kept, no matter what.
Whatever you agree to, you should do,
If circumstances pre-vent this then we,
Must simply find another way to serve.
Which is exactly why I came today,
and I’m at your disposal, as of now.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Yes all that’s very loyal I’m sure, no doubt,
But are you sure- that you can tolerate,
your life, the life that you’ll be living here,
Un-married but still sleeping in my bed,
Just ‘cause your Father made a deal with us?-
(he lights another lamp)

TOTALIA:
Who made a what? What? sorry, come again?

THE YOUNG MAN:
You’re going to have to live here as my wife.

TOTALIA:
But surely you don’t mean that, it’s absurd!
My Father gave you everything we have!
You can’t ask this thing of me, no not this,

THE YOUNG MAN:
Well I can hardly marry you can I ?
when I was born so high and you so low.
What was arranged has to be done some way,
(he lights another)
It wasn’t my idea as I told you:
I didn’t think that it was very fair,
To you or me, but that’s what they agreed,
Nobody cares what I think around here,
I’m sorry but my protests were ignored.

TOTALIA:
I’m sorry no, there must be a mistake.
that isn’t why I came to you at all,
I came, I came because… I want to ask
I wanted to ask you to understand
that I, that we, that this whole thing’s too much.

THE YOUNG MAN:
(he lights another)
Oh I agree, it’s way too much indeed,
I say again, I don’t think that it’s fair,
But Like I said, No-one came asking me,
You’ll be living here with me for one month.
For that is what our parents have agreed.

TOTALIA:
But my Father said nothing about this.

THE YOUNG MAN:
He didn’t? But he must have said something,

TOTALIA:
He said if I came here, to you today,
You wouldn’t listen and you’d make demands,
Unreasonubble demands and they would show,
your people up for what you really are.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Well, I assure you, he knew about this.
He made the deal himself, he seemed quite pleased.

TOTALIA:
He said I’d learn a lesson if I came.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Well that is perhaps what your Father meant.
I’m sorry he did not make himself clear,
But all of this was arranged yesterday,
You only get to stay a month and then,
you’ll have to leave here, pregnancy or no

TOTALIA:
Pregnancy? you mean to say that I could…
No! this can’t be true, it cant, I wont, I…
You say my father knew all about this?

THE YOUNG MAN:
Knew about it?- It was his idea.

TOTALIA:
He said I’d learn how you treat human beans,
I’d learn a lesson, learn a lesson, yes!
But what a lesson! now I understand.
I told him many times how much we owe
the Reese-pon-Sybil, now I have to pay.
That must be why he went and engineered,
This impossible situation here.
He probbly thought that I would run away,
He’s always saying we should Run away.
But I tell him that that has been the root
of all the shame my famly bears today.
We ran away from problems in the past,
Instead of bean Reese-pon-Sybil like you.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Well look, I don’t know what he meant or why,
But that’s the deal he made when he was here,
If you decide, it’s not your cup of tea,
and run away; then that’s alright by me.

TOTALIA:
Oh I’m not going anywhere, Oh no.
That probbly was his plan, But I’ll show him.
That Father’s can be taught a lesson too.
I can be just as pig-headed as he.
He made a deal with the Reese-pon-Sybils,
Okay then, I will show him here is one,
who understands the debt my people owe,
I’ll show him here is one who knows her place
Whose gratitude is genuine to those,
who saved the world when others closed their eyes.
explain my task in full, I will not fail.

THE YOUNG MAN:
You’re sure you wouldn’t rather run away?
I think that might be easier all round.

TOTALIA:
I say again, explain my task in full.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Your task? …okay well how should I begin?
As far as I know, what happens is this;
You have to live with me for one full month,
Sleep in my bed -and all that that entails,
And when the month is over; we’re both free,
and nobody’s obliged on either side.
I’m Sorry if all this comes as a shock.
It took me by complete surprise myself.

TOTALIA:
My Father really bonded me to this?
That for a whole month I am to live here?
and be a slave to you and warm your bed?

THE YOUNG MAN:
I say again, it wasn’t my idea.
Look maybe there’s a way out of all this,
I mean, after all- you weren’t even here.

TOTALIA:
No, no renegotiation now,
I told my Father no price is too high,
and he will see that I can keep my word.
Though this is quite a deal you must admit.
It’s true what wise and ancient Speidmunn said
‘With great Reese-pon-Sybil-itty comes power’

THE YOUNG MAN:
I wouldn’t believe everything you’ve heard about Speidmunn.
(pause)

TOTALIA:
They say he was friendly and neighbourhood.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Well yes, he was, but also he was not.
I’m sorry I should introduce myself,
My name’s Organic, the Reese-pon-Sybil.
I live here with my grandfather and mom.

TOTALIA:
I’m called Totalia, it means complete.
I’m sorry, this still feels so very strange,
Should we shake hands? or How should I behave?
I’ve never met Reese-pon-Sybils before,
So do I kneel, or curtsy, do I bow?

THE YOUNG MAN:
Oh hardly, this is not Garbagerie,
Feel free to be informal as you like,
Our situations outside protocol,
Forget about all of that snotsense now.

TOTALIA:
But there’s a strict divide between our class.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Well Speaking for myself, I wish the world
had far less class distinctions of this type.
For which of the ancients was it who said:
‘We all know
That peop-hole adder same where
raver you go.
there is gooden bat,
in everyone’

TOTALIA:
unwheel earn to live,
one wheel earn to give,
each udder what we need to serve five.

TOTALIA/THE YOUNG MAN(TOGETHER):
to get her alive’

TOTALIA:
‘her bunny and I furry’ by The Great Wonder,.. Oh I love that
poem!

THE YOUNG MAN:
Yeah me too. –Have you heard it set to music?

TOTALIA:
Why yes I have! Although I must confess I didn’t like it much.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Me neither!

TOTALIA:
Okay.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Okay.

TOTALIA:
Yes.

THE YOUNG MAN:
A bit more light!
(he lights another)
So er, have you luggage? I mean bags, d’you need me to carry
stuff?
Your Father said that you would bring some food.

TOTALIA:
But Everything we had, he gave to you.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Okay… well never mind, we’ve plenty here.

TOTALIA:
So how exactly do we start this thing?
Is there a uniform I have to wear?
Or do you like to keep your slaves in chains?

THE YOUNG MAN:
I don’t see why you have to talk snotsense,
It’s you who wanted to honour this deal,
of course you wont wear anything like that.
the deal said you just live here<

TOTALIA:
>in your room.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Or go outside or do whatever thing
you want to, honestly, I will not mind.
If you can read<

TOTALIA:
>I read>

THE YOUNG MAN:
< then there are books.
(pause)
I’m glad to hear you read, I read a lot.

TOTALIA:
My parents say I read too much<.

THE YOUNG MAN:
>mine too.
(pause)
But how can someone read too much?<

TOTALIA:
>For sure,
(pause)
You might as well say someone thinks too much.

THE YOUNG MAN:
My faml’y’s fond if telling me I do.

TOTALIA:
Then tell me what you thought about this deal.

THE YOUNG MAN:
I beg your pardon, what?<

TOTALIA:
> You think so much.
Well then, why don’t you tell me what you thought.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand what’s done is done.
I understand Reese-pon-Sybils have rights,
and people like myself have debts to pay.
In one way or another , I see that.
But tell me did you think that it was right.
To make a deal with someones flesh<-and bone?

THE YOUNG MAN:
>Why no,
I told you, I did not want this at all.
My flesh and bone’s in this agreement too.
But I also have rules I must obey.
My grandfather’s the most Reese-pon-Sybil,
Not only here, but for a hundred miles.
Unequal’d in both Crustiness and Hippiedom,
An Eco-war-your from the Bee-four time,
And so he outranks everyone there is,
Including Mother, and she outranks me.
So bay-sickly, I just do what I’m told.

TOTALIA:
So everyone owes someone; that is fair.
I’m glad to know that we are both in this,
because we are prepared to do what’s right,
It’s clearly then, our duty; not our choice.

THE YOUNG MAN:
I’m glad that you are glad, I truly am,
But for myself I cannot help but feel,
I’m not sure that I owe them all that much,
And maybe you don’t owe us anything!
The bee-four time was very long ago,
and very, very different from today.

TOTALIA:
But everything from then affects us now,
We can’t forget this whole world nearly died,
and would have died-if not for people who,
Like your Grandfather, tried to make a change.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Perhaps you’re right, but that’s not how I feel.
It seems to me, today there’s too much blame,
It seems to me that something isn’t right.

TOTALIA:
It’s only right that people should feel shame,

THE YOUNG MAN:
But tell me, how much shame and for how long?
Will this go on forever?-all this guilt?

TOTALIA:
Forever yes, and never be forgot.

THE YOUNG MAN:
And never be forgot, no matter what?

TOTALIA:
No matter what, of course it shouldn’t be.
(pause)

THE YOUNG MAN:
You’re not what I imagined<

TOTALIA:
>nor are you.
(pause)
THE YOUNG MAN (Embarrased)
You probbly had some expectations of
A Cats‘n’over guy, well that’s not me.

TOTALIA:
Oh that! well as I told you earl your on,
That side of things, it’s come as a surprise.
But If I had’ve known, what would I think?
I s’pose I’d think of someone more severe,
More Harsh, Judgemental, Cold: that sort of thing.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Yes, I am sure my mother fits the bill.(pause)

TOTALIA:
And what did you expect I would be like?

THE YOUNG MAN:
I thought the very worst if truth be told,
I thought that with my luck you’d probbly be,
The ugliest creature under the sun,
In spite of this, you’d have more looks than brains,
And breath that smelt so bad that I’d find myself,
Forever looking forward to your farts.
(da-dum! Tisshhhh)

TOTALIA:
If that’s what you expected here today,
I must be glad I come as a surprise,
Although it’s not much of a compliment.
And you have yet to smell my breath up close.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Why yes, that’s true! I never thought of that.

TOTALIA:
Speaking of which, perhaps we should begin.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Begin?<

TOTALIA:
I take it that some contact is required,
and I confess I have no real idea
But if we are to kiss, then we should kiss.

THE YOUNG MAN:
So you still want to go ahead with this?

TOTALIA:
As far as I can see, we have no choice.
Sooner or later, this stuff must be done,

THE YOUNG MAN:
I see your point, yes get it over with,
If we wait more, it might get harder still.
It’s Not exactly easy, all the same.

TOTALIA:
Well yes, now that it’s there in front of me.
The more we wait, the nervouser I get.
I’m worried that I might lose my resolve.
But no! No- I must do this, and that’s that.
If we just do it quickly, I’ll be fine.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Okay,
you’re right, will I go there or you come here?
(she moves to him)

THE YOUNG MAN:
Oh right, I’m sorry this is kinda strange.
Excuse me sorry which way do I put my
(They kiss)

THE YOUNG MAN:
Okay, Well that was that, I s’pose, what next?
I mean what now, not that, I mean what else,
Sorry I’m finding myself hard, it’s hard
I mean, to do this!- not myself, not hard
myself ,that isn’t what I meant. Myself.
(pause)
I need a minute, sorry, I’m too tense.
I think I’ve overdone it with theses lights.
(he starts to extinguish them)

TOTALIA:
I understand completely, it’s so weird.
I hope that was okay, the kiss, I mean.
I’m feeling tense myself, I wet, I WANT
I wonder can you show me where I sleep.
I haven’t had much food today, I’m tired
I need a lay, to be laid, I must lie,
down on a bed I think just for a while,
I feel suddenly tired, I don’t know why.

THE YOUNG MAN:
What? Okay yes! my bedroom is through here,
I’m sorry the bed isn’t very big.
but it is comfy, you can rest in there.

TOTALIA:
Thank you, I didn’t sleep at all last night,

THE YOUNG MAN:
Me neither, I was watching D—
I was watching an old book,- I don’t mean…
watching, reading, watching pages I mean,
That’s what I mean, look! you just go and sleep.

TOTALIA:
But if you didn’t sleep you must be tired.

THE YOUNG MAN:
I am a bit, but I’ll stay up some more,
Just go on in and have yourself a rest.

TOTALIA:
Oh you must get some sleep too, I insist!
I couldn’t put you out of your own bed.
(she takes him)
We’ll lie together, surely there is room.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Perhaps I could go in for a short nap.

TOTALIA:
Yes.

THE YOUNG MAN:
Yes.
( They exit with a candle/or lamp leaving one light onstage, THE
WOMAN ENTERS’)

THE WOMAN: (carrying lamp)
Organic my boy it’s time to get up!

THE YOUNG MAN:(off)
I’ll be out to you in just five minutes.

THE WOMAN:
Five minutes? what is the boy playing at?
I’ll give you five minutes you lazy strap,
The water should be pumped an hour ago!
(she exits towards the bedroom)
I’ll drag you out of bed, if I have to!



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