I interrupt this episodic transcript of the play to give you an oddly dark and completely uninformative film review;

We're all familiar with the phenomena of 'so bad it's good' but tonight was a rare experience of the 'so good it's bad' feeling; I'm not proud of it. After watching this film it became painfully clear to me that writing plays (or screenplays or novels or even crappy blogs that no-one reads) is an irresponsible act (almost an act of thought pollution);

In short,the nice thing ,- about seeing something awful,- is the 'personal glow' that one gets as one walks away, thinking to oneself: "the very least talented of my mates could have done a better job than those shitheads; I may be penniless and unrecognised but these folk have all the opportunity, money and resources and all they can make is twaddle!".

It's an easy and pleasant trap to fall into, but then, every once in a while, something comes along thats so good it tells you "you are a self-deluding talentless fuck- and all the real ability resides with others who are far, far, beyond your ken.."

'Kick Ass' is such a depressingly good film.


I enjoyed it so much that, in the so-good-it's-bad way, I want to commit suicide.

I could pick holes in it, there are many of course, and one can with anything, but the truth is I enjoyed it so much that I have foregone the right to criticise. The only way to express myself clearly would be self-murder.

I shan't be doing so;- not because of the lack of depth of feeling, but because suicide is a bit silly and only works at a certain time; ideally just before your predicted and expected peak, while you still have oodles of potential to waste.

If you have the foresight to commit suicide at the precise moment when you are in still in the running for the 'as cool as can be' prize; then you are assured the position of forever fabboness in popular culture,

- for whatever that's worth;

I mean, you still have to be dead and you don't get to be alive anymore: which is a bit of a pisser as well as a total waste,- but at least it does make sense as a PR exercise.

People who commit suicide on the way out just look like bad losers.


My friends; If ever you are going to top yourself, via rock and roll suicide, and you're doing it because you are so vain that how you are remembered (by people you don't know) is more important to you than actually being there for those who love you: then you'd better pick your moment and try your best for the Kurt Cobain variety as opposed to the Micheal Hutchence version.

Either way you're still an idiot.

And it doesn't make you sensitive or special.

But please, please, whatever you do, watch 'Kick Ass' before you do it.

You don't want your life to be a total waste.