they all huddle in a circle with a pack of cards ... simultaneously Bedboy begins to masturbate
David Thewlis;
Oh go on then
Micheal Caine:
Okay , what’ve we got? What’ve we got?
They all fan out enormous hands of cards wich they study carefully.
James Stuart;
Well ..uh lemme see here uh ...there’s that foreign girl, in the newsagents.
David Thewlis;
Filthy little minx
Robert Shaw;
Eyes you could swim in, and an arse as round and as tight as a drum...
Micheal Caine:
Okay, anyone else?
David Thewlis;
That red-haired one.
Micheal Caine:
What's her name?
David Thewlis;
I dunno but you remember her, she stopped in the street and clasped two books between her thighs while she took off her jumper.
All;
(enthusiastic murmurs of assent)
Robert Shaw;
Tara O’Neill ! (all pause. shocked)
James Stuart;
Tara O’Neill? She must be like sixteen if she’s a day
Robert Shaw;
No-one will ever know
Micheal Caine:
Well just for age balance then, Ciaras’ mum.
James Stuart;
Oh yeah it’s always the mother though- never the daughter I mean he went out with the daughter.
David Thewlis;
Okay then both!
Robert Shaw;
shagging each other with a strap on!(they all look at him)
Micheal Caine:
I like it!
They now play a game like ‘snap’ in tandem with the masturbatory act which takes place in ‘the bed’ with increasing momentum .When the last card is slapped down- Bedboy climaxes They all freeze, and then breath a sigh of relief.
Micheal Caine:
(noticing the last card)Wait a minute , what’s this? (he holds it up)
James Stuart
; what exactly have you got there friend?
David Thewlis;
That’s the fucking dream girl!
(pause)
(pause)
Robert Shaw;
so she slipped through the net did she?
They all adopt poses of extreme disconsolation
James Stuart;
Slipped through but I don’t understand, I mean we saw the cards ... I mean how could’ve..
David Thewlis;
The fucking subconscious that’s how.
Robert Shaw;
The blind leviathan of the bottomless deep that shadows our vessel ..and waits.
Micheal Caine:
Okay
I think,
we are all in agreement
we have a serious problem here.
A serious problem
That requires serious action ,now
I suggest
We ring a bird
Okay with everyone?
I think,
we are all in agreement
we have a serious problem here.
A serious problem
That requires serious action ,now
I suggest
We ring a bird
Okay with everyone?
David Thewlis;
I don’t give a fuck what he does - it wont make a fucking difference will it?- that is what we are in the act of discovering is it not?.
Nothing makes a fucking difference!
Nothing makes a fucking difference!
James Stuart
; Who’re you gonna ring?
Micheal Caine:
I don’t know, I thought we’d have a little look in the phone book.
(Bedboy picks up his mobile and starts scrolling through the menu)
(Bedboy picks up his mobile and starts scrolling through the menu)
Now let’s see..
there’s Andrea
there’s Andrea
David Thewlis;
Going out with someone...not attractive
Micheal Caine:
Annette..
James Stuart;
She’s uh.. well y’know she’s uh..expecting a visit from the stork any day now..
Micheal Caine:
Ciara...
Robert Shaw;
Empty waters
Micheal Caine:
and..Oh look! He still has the dream girl’s number..
He watches the others furtively for a moment-and then shouts
DIAL!!!!!!!!!!
He watches the others furtively for a moment-and then shouts
DIAL!!!!!!!!!!
( All together )
James Stuart
James Stuart
; Turn it off!-Stop it!
Robert Shaw;
The damage is done! ... she’ll see his number and know he tried to- you bastard Jonah what’ve you done?
A cacophony ensues as they all shout incoherently until the phone is answered then immediate silence.
Dreamgirl;
Hello?
Bedboy;
oh hi, yeah ...it’s me..
Dreamgirl ;
Yeah I saw your number ... whassup
Bedboy ;
Nothing much y’know em I just wondering you know, when I’ll be hearing from the solicitors office.
Dreamgirl ;
Oh..This week it should be
Bedboy ;
oh
David Thewlis;
Put it down! Put it down! Say goodbye and put it down!
Bedboy
So how’s things with you anyway ... any news?
Dreamgirl
No not really- Oh Gerry and Charlene are splitting up
Bedboy;
oh
I guess that seems to be the story these days ... every one splitting up
I guess that seems to be the story these days ... every one splitting up
Dreamgirl;
Yeah.
Bedboy;
;Yeah
Dreamgirl;
(light-heartedly ...trying to make a joke of the situation)
At least they had more sense than to get fucking married.
All;
(react to this with wild silent writhing spasms of agony)
Bedboy;
(humourlessly) I guess so- I’ll see you
Dreamgirl;
Yeah bye
(Bedboy puts down phone)
(Bedboy puts down phone)
David Thewlis is hitting Micheal Caine
David Thewlis;
You stupid fucking prick!, you stupid fucking cunting fucking bastard cunt. Shitearse! Fuck!
James Stuart;
What’ll we do now..
David Thewlis;
Shut up! Just fucking...just shutup, shut up everybody not a fucking sound out of you (points at micheal) now we’re just gonna lie here and not think allright?
Not think.
Maybe he can fall asleep again....Maybe I can escape this fucking hell for a few hours because I’m not
I cant
I think I’m getting’ a bit
I just
If you could just
Quiet! Quiet allright?
Not think.
Maybe he can fall asleep again....Maybe I can escape this fucking hell for a few hours because I’m not
I cant
I think I’m getting’ a bit
I just
If you could just
Quiet! Quiet allright?
Silence.They breathe in unison for a minute and slowly the lights go down to absolute blackness. They rise slowly on the bed where Dreamgirl&Bedboy are together. Bedboy wakes up with a start.
Dreamgirl;
Are you okay hun?
Bedboy;
Oh yeah I just .....(incredulous) fuck! ... What a fucking ... ... ....fuck!
Dreamgirl;
What?
Bedboy;
You’re not thinking about leaving me are you?
Dreamgirl;
What?
Bedboy;
”What can I say?- I need you”
She smiles
She smiles
Bedboy;
”It’s good that you’re here “
She smiles
She smiles
Bedboy;
” I can only relax when you're here“
She smiles
Bedboy yawns a long and loud yawn all lights go down slowly to total black.
As the last chorus of lilac wine plays.
END
No comments:
Post a Comment