Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit.
enter Polonius with Reynaldo.
Give him the cash, and packadge that I sent.
And the smart thing to do’d be to ask around before
you see him.
I thought I might do that.
So right you are then, Okay now. First thing:
Find out which Danes are living in Paree,
And how they wound up there, and who they are.
And how they make a livin’, where they live.
And How, and who with, and how much they spend.
And In the course of your enquirees,
See what you can find out about my boy.
Someone’ll know him, I’ve no doubt of that.
And if you ask in this roundabout way,
You might hear something that you wouldn’t hear
If you just asked straight out, See what I mean?
I do sir, I see what you mean.
Like: ’Laertes …Oh I heard of him I think’
‘If he’s the one I’m thinkin’ of that is…
‘The wildest dude in Denmark, what a guy’
and after that, make up what lies you please.
Now nothing to dishonor him of course,
But just the sort of thing that young lads do,
Like gambling then. Is that the type of thing?
Gambling, drinking, fencing, swearing. Girls.
But I’d be talkin’ bad of him then Sir.
Well water it down, if you feel you must.
Just talk of these as small things, just the things,
That all young men get up to now and then.
But beggin’ your pardon Sir.
Why is it that I want you to do this?
Well yes that’s what I’m askin Sir.
Well basically I think that doing this,
And talking in this general way is best,
You’re inviting the person who you meet
To tell whatever stories they have heard.
This is the way that all clever men work
With little lies to catch a bigger truth.
So if you do exactly as I’ve said,
We’ll find out what he’s up to, wont we now?
Be sure and have a look at him yourself.
I’ll do that Sir.
And tell him practice his music.
Right you are.
Oh! Ophelia what’s this?
Oh Dad! Oh Dad! Oh my heart! I’ve been so scared!
Scared of what in the name of God, child?
It’s Hamlet! You should see him dad! He’s flipped!
He came to me in rags and Dad- his face!
Just angry, staring, not like him at all!
Is this because you dumped him do you think?
Maybe, I don’t know, Dad he was so weird!
Did he say anthin’ to you, what he say?
He grabbed me by the wrist and held me hard.
And then … then he just stared at me… his eyes.
And then. he kind of. let a kind of. scream,
Like somebody was killing him, oh Dad.
And then. he kind of. had some type of fit.
And when the fit was over. He Walked off.
But dad, the way he looked at me. His eyes.
Okay, were gonna hafta tell the King.
Young people and emotions, dear oh dear.
He loves you something rotten so he does.
This isn’t good, this isn’t good at all,
In a state like that the lad might even…
You haven’t been arguing with each other have you?
This wasn’t a row?
I haven’t said a single word to him,
Not since you told me not to dad, I swear.
I just cut off all contact.
Like I said.
And now the boy’s gone loopy. Dear oh dear.
I must have read him wrong, it seems to be,
That he was quite serious about you.
After all then. How typical this is.
Overprotective Fathers, foolish boys.
C’mon we’d better go and tell the king.
He wont be pleased, but still, it’s the best thing.
Exit Polonius and Ophelia.
Enter Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern carrying Duty free