Tom Collins Monday night sesh.

I’m a firm believer of the maxim that 'you don’t have to say much to say what you mean'. As an illustration of how a single pen-stroke can speak volumes,-on the wall, behind the bar in Tom Collins, a newspaper headline has been cut out and placed for everyone to see. It says; ‘There’s nothing like a good sing-song to give society back its’ voice’ and someone, (either a member of staff or a long-armed patron,) has underlined the word ‘good’.
Just one stroke of the pen is all it took and high praise becomes brutal criticism.
As an act of expression, I think it’s genius, but considering all the sing-songs and all the people who’ve taken part over the years in Tom Collins, I think it’s a bit unfair. After all, we cant know from this review which night, which singer, which month, which year is addressed with such a bitter response, unless they mean all of them, and if they do, well as I said; it’s unfair.

Unfair? Unfair you say? This from the same man who has spent almost the past week praising/knocking stuff on th’interweb and without the economy and brilliance of that mystery underliner might I add! Unfair? Is there no end to the man’s hypocrisy!

I’m not being a hypocrite.

You’re not? - Well how come your head has just split up into two separate voices?
Is that not proof positive, if any were needed, that what were dealing with here is a two-faced double thinking, equivocating hypocrite!

No that’s just a rhetorical device.

You’d like to think that wouldn’t you! You pensioned-off puddle-of-penguin-piss! Well riddle me this, Socrates; if it’s just ‘a rhetorical debate’ why is one of the voices so aggressive and making all these personal comments, eh? What about that? - You suet-selling, toupee wearing wankshaft! Can’t answer that one, can you?

It is the bloggers...

You festering baboon!

Oh be quiet.
It is the blogger’s fantasy that everybody in the world is secretly reading their pronouncements and admiring their opinions, which (in the blog wet-dream) are so accurate and well expressed that people everywhere have no option but to slavishly adopt them as their own. If it is the reality that their true audience is about five people, and four of those read no further than a headline: ‘What’s he on about today?’ (click to:) ‘Oh Tom Collins’ (click away:) that’s not how the blogger thinks of it, oh no. In the bloggers mind, world leaders pause before every major decision and think, ‘ That blogger was dead right about this thing, I’m so glad I read it. Really helped clarify my thoughts, also I must pop into Toms when this summits over’.
It might be fantasy to imagine a million readers but I think it’s a helpful one when it comes to writing responsibly. It’s not enough to underline the word ‘good’ and leave it at that. I got the advice earlier on in the week to always praise and never niggle; after all there are enough begrudgers in the world and if you sincerely wish to promote an event or individual, surely you should describe them well and leave out the bad bits?
I wont be following this advice. The way I see it, I have an obligation to my millions of fantasy readers to say what’s good about things I didn’t like, and to say what’s less than perfect about the things I loved.
True objectivity is impossible of course, and no one should pretend to have attained it. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t something worth striving towards. So, back to Toms;
I couldn’t be objective about the music in Toms because even if I’m not playing or singing myself, my heart is with whoever is. To niggle with a performance in Toms would not only be a pointless crime but I would also risk alienating my own pals so
It’s been quite a challenge to think what to say about Toms, or how to say something that tries it’s best to be objective. I did think of reviewing the audience, but that didn’t work. So finally I came up with this:

The session in Toms is completely random. It is organic and unpredictable by nature and that’s what makes it so great. On the other hand, that’s also what makes it unreliable in terms of quality. The recession, aggressive poaching by a rival bar, and whatever natural cycle these things work by; has meant less customers and musicians of late, a situation that has drained it a little of its pep. This quieter session is preferred by some, and in terms of music, it probably is an improved environment to perform in, but I don’t prefer it. I like the pub to be full of noise and craic and people. Monday had a good vibe, it was neither sedate nor raucous and wont go down in history as the ultimate Toms session of all time, but there was a good mix of musicians, (three really good ones, augmented by a few enthusiastic if technically limited ones) and a happy crowd. The End.

Notice how easy it is to lose your balls when you’re talking about people you know.